Romy Schneider and Alain Delon in “The swimming pool”.

Admit it: in the United States, we have already told you that the French are the best lovers in the world. It is clear that this postulate, a bit cliché, is nevertheless well permeated among Americans. Why ? That’s the silly question of the week.

First, there are the numbers. A study by the Durex condom brand explains that the French are the 5th nation – out of the 26 most populated – for the frequency of sexual intercourse in 2018. In short, we are almost world champions in the discipline.

But education, religion and culture also come into play in this picture, according to Ian Kerner, relationship and sex therapist. “Although France is a predominantly Catholic country, sex and religion are disconnected, while in the United States we have extreme shame about sex, which stems from our Puritan religious roots”, he supports.

It is also reflected in the judgment on the sexuality of others. As Ian Kerner explains, “The French do not judge infidelity as categorically as we do here in the United States”, allusion to the Monica Lewinsky affair which shook the country at the end of the 90s. For the famous Belgian therapist Esther Perel, this puritanism is also felt in the apprehension of sexuality – and its excesses: “In America, sex is risk. In Europe, the irresponsibility factor is risk, sex is a natural thing. ”

The way of seeing sexuality would also be cultural. The French are the embodiment of hedonism and gluttony, seduction and pleasure all over the world. “Americans have always viewed France (or at least Paris) as a place of sexual liberation – from the writings of Fitzgerald to Henry Miller to James Salter and films like Last Tango in Paris”adds Ian Kerner. He cites the example of sexually conservative patients who told him they had discovered orgasm with a French lover.

Conversely, the famous rule of “sex from the third date” (a reference in dating and not only in films) codifies and standardizes relationships in the United States, killing all spontaneity. “The French ask themselves fewer questions, sex exists for what it is, for pleasure; and not as a means of achieving one’s ends (like marriage) ”, argues Ian Kerner.

Esther Perel explains the sexual liberation of the French by the difference in socialization between the two countries. “In France, we believe that friendship between men and women is possible. Americans have no idea what ambiguity and sexual tension are ”, she adds. She uses the example of mixed summer camps in France, where adolescents become familiar with the opposite sex. “Americans don’t get into young couples, they have sex, but they don’t have a history. There is no sex education while the government is pouring millions into abstinence campaigns. ”

While this reputation for “hot rabbits” has many explanations, it remains very subjective to say if it is justified. The French are not “Technically superior” in bed, insists Esther Perel, but “They are more comfortable in relationships with others (…) Conversely, the American is the Malboro man who needs no one. ”

(This Silly Question was first published in July 2018)

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